mediated communication #2

'Any boy who tells you that he hasn't seen porn is lying. Porn changes what you expect from girls'

In the age of relentless online pornography, chatrooms, sexting and smartphones, the way teenage boys learn about relationships has changed dramatically (by Akin Ojumu, Observer)

I found this interesting article on pornography and it’s availability to our youth. With this being such a devastating subject in my own family, and a topic that lends itself to very differing opinions, I thought I would take the time to read it. I found it on my sister-in-law’s facebook page and it caught my eye. Knowing that pornography is a very real addiction, I was curious to see what the opinion was in this particular article. It was posted in the Observer September 27, 2014 and the interviews were done in England, which implies that this issue is a problem in more than just the US.

In fact, Akin Ojumu, the article’s author says,  “the current accessibility of pornography is astonishing. I'm not sure how I would have dealt with the temptation of smartphones that make pornography instantly viewable all the time.” With this age of technology and information, pornography is literally at our fingertips. In fact, it’s there when we aren’t looking for it. With just the click of the button, anyone can find pornography. It’s in our movies. It’s in our music videos. It’s all over the internet. It’s seriously affecting the way that kids view relationships. This article focuses a lot on boys, in particular, but this problem is not specific to males.

The article mentions a 12 year old boy who pleaded guilty to raping his 7 year old sister after watching pornography online. When things like this are viewed, the images are seared into the mind and the curiosity and desire to try those things can be a driving force to possible violent behavior as in this case. More common is the way that relationships with the opposite sex are viewed. It can skew the expectations on what a healthy sex life should be like. I personally feel that pornography is extreme. It is not the norm. Unfortunately, the viewing of pornography can also cause boys to expect a certain body image in girls. Boys want their girls to look like the pictures they see. It can warp perception of what a girl actually looks like.

With all of this sexual stimulation around, but yet being warned to be careful, it’s not wonder that our youth don’t know what to do with their bodies. They are getting mixed signals. They also mention sexting in this article. One boy was quoted as saying,  "If a girl wants to send pictures to a guy then it is her risk. If she decides to send pictures to a boy, she is putting her trust in him and if the boy decides to expose her, then that is her mistake," says David, 18. I have to ask why a girl would even send such a picture but it happens. It is said that sexting can lead to certain expectations as to what a girl should “do” and the acts she should perform.

One way that is suggested to help combat this epidemic is to focus more on teaching children about loving and proper relationships in conjunction with sex education. The program for teaching children about maturation focuses on sex. They don’t talk much about relationships. It’s more about the body. “One of the key recommendations in Basically … Porn is Everywhere was that sex and relationships education should be renamed relationships and sex education to signify a change in emphasis in what is taught.”

I find this article to be very cogent and has a place in our conversations. I agree that pornography can negatively affect relationships in both our youth as well as adults. Personal experience has been very negative in regards to this topic. Pornography can lead one down a path of destruction that sometimes cannot be made right. Our society has become so focused on sexuality, body image, weight, and the outward appearance. With all of this smut out there, how do we combat it? In the home, first and foremost, but we know it take a village to raise a child. And our youth need a city! Sometimes what is going on in the home is exactly opposite of what would help the most. We need to set the example of healthy and loving relationships to our children. We need to have open communication and discuss this very sensitive topic. However, I don’t believe it should be so sensitive any longer when it permeates every aspect of our lives.